


Obliviate

by shadowkissed



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Auror Choi Beomgyu, Beomgyu and Soobin are married, Healer Choi Soobin, Lowercase, M/M, Memory Loss, Minor Character Death, Post-Battle of Hogwarts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-16 23:08:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29707959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowkissed/pseuds/shadowkissed
Summary: “magic,” he whispers under his breath. “but how?"“i can’t tell you how this whole thing works, but i can show you, if you let me,” soobin is still smiling even as he gets up on his feet again. his hand extended, waiting for beomgyu to take it.if this is the day he dies, he dies trusting a stranger from his dream.(beomgyu has been living an ordinary life until a stranger shows up and brings magic into his life.)
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Choi Soobin
Comments: 20
Kudos: 51





	1. promised stars

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is set a year after the hogwarts battle, so there will be some references to the dark lord/battle. there will be specific terms derived from the harry potter universe as well as some spells/potions names. it's not necessary to know about the whole universe prior to reading it since some terms will be explained again as a character is relearning the wizarding world!

the stench of smoke was strong in the air. 

from somewhere far, far away, a sound of a bell could be heard. a sign that a train was about to depart. knowing just how late they were, the three ran along the platform in hurry, stopping somewhere in between two platforms with 9 and 10 written on them respectively. there was no sign of a train or other people rushing the way they do, but the boy knew that he was doomed if he spent another minute slacking around. 

“i’m going now! see you in winter!” the boy yelled, readying himself to run towards the brick wall. 

_ wait, what? _

the boy ran and ran, pushing the cart in front of him. at this speed he was going, he wouldn't be able to brake in time before he hit the wall. yet there was no trace of worries in his face, only exhilaration and absolute trust. 

that’s it, until the woman called out for him. “beomgyu!”

but it was too late, as he was already rushing past a veiled surface. the mist washed over him as he made a run for it, opening his eyes to a platform filled with kids, all rushing to get on board the train. the white puffs of smoke billowed over them in a dream-like state.

when it cleared, there was another call of his name, only this time, it was gentler. filled with relief.

_ “beomgyu-ah.” _

==

“beomgyu!”

he jerks up on his seat at the call of his name, blinking his eyes a few times to get rid of the drowsiness. there is no trace of the crowd of kids around him, nor the excitement and rush that come from being short of time and breath. the only thing he can feel is the emptiness as he sits there behind his office cubicle in the office that he shares with four other people.

right. he is just an ordinary salary man in this mundane, little world. he’s never even rode a train before. 

dreams are such cruel things, how they always give him a vivid preview of a life he would never live. for months, they have been haunting him. the kind of dreams that feels like memories from the past. if this is something from his previous life, the late choi beomgyu must be very happy. to be loved that much until his chest aches.

it might just be a part of his subconscious, yet the emotions from the dream leak out from the edge of his sleep. they are palpable in the air now, the taste strong on his tongue with every breath that he inhales.

thankfully, he is grounded into reality by the sound of minah's voice. 

“i thought you were just hiding behind your computer, but you’ve been asleep all this time? outrageous,” minah says, standing by his desk with her hands on her hips. he can count on her to put some senses into his clouded brain. even now, as his brain is slowly going back into his alert state. "let's get some coffee first, the devil just summoned you to her office."

dread fills him at the mention of this  _ ‘devil’ _ . the supervisor of this department, who has most probably seen him sleeping for three hours since she always stares at the cctv cameras like a hawk. 

he does need that coffee.

this is not the picture of adulthood beomgyu had in mind when he was a kid with stars in his eyes and high expectations in life. both the stars and expectations are crushed now, seeing how there is nothing a working class salary man like him can do to change the world. he can’t even speak up to his supervisor about the unpaid overtime hours. 

this is just what he has to do as a responsible citizen: study until he graduates, find a job, and then work until he dies. it would be a miracle if he did not die from boredom first.

that’s why he always tries to appreciate the small happiness hidden within his days. 

today, his short moment of happiness lies in the small paper cup of espresso he just took out of the machine, along with a donut minah bought for him because apparently he had slept through the lunch time as well. a happy moment right before an impending dark time he is going to experience the moment he steps into the supervisor's office.

“it’s just a thank you for helping me with coding last time. don’t get used to it!”

he just shakes his head as minah throws him a threatening look, ignoring her as he picks up the dessert, trying to figure out how to eat it. just by looking at it, he can already feel a sting on his teeth. 

“only that guy would actually enjoy eating this,” he mumbles to himself, snapping himself out of the deep thought the next second as he caught minah's confused gaze. it confuses him even more that no face comes to his mind when he thinks about it further.

“who?”

“no one. i don’t even know why i said that.”

coughing to himself, he averts his gaze somewhere else, taking tiny bites of the donut while his eyes search around the office's lounge. the sweetness sticks on his tongue, spreading positive vibes throughout his body upon the first contact. 

that’s when his eyes find another pair staring right at him from across the room. he almost drops the donut at the little jolt of surprise he felt, even more that their gazes stay locked. 

the owner of those eyes is a guy who looks about the same age as he is, wearing a long beige coat outside of his white turtleneck shirt; perfect outfit for the chilly day. he has never seen him around the office, and he  _ knows _ because he would remember if he’s seen the guy before. 

“did they finally find a replacement for sooyoung in human resource?” he pries his gaze away to return his attention towards his friend who was apparently saying something, but now looking at him with intrigued face.

“who?”

“the guy in the beige coat. he is standing near the elevator. black hair, tall, handsome but not as handsome as yours truly—wait, don’t look!” he hisses when she cranes her neck to find the person.

“how am i supposed to see if i’m not looking?”

beomgyu blinks. “okay, fine. look slowly.”

following his directions, she turns her head to face the direction. eyes squinted for a better aim to spot someone with the said descriptions. after a moment, she gives up with a shrug. “can’t find him.”

“what? he was just—“he throws a look towards where the guy originally stands, only to shut his mouth right after when he spots nothing but a blank space next to the said elevator. “—there.”

“aren’t you imagining things? i think you’re just single. and gay.” 

as he turns back to look at the direction he pointed at, there is no trace of the guy anymore. he would know because he was a striking presence. one that lingers in beomgyu’s head moments after that brief second their eyes locked.

maybe he is just bad with memorizing all the faces and names of the employees in this floor. or maybe minah is right, he has been single for way too long.

but a stranger can’t just be a normal stranger if they make his heart jump upon the first second of eye contact.

==

the next time he sees the guy again, he is so close to having a breakdown on a park bench.

it would be a reach to say that this guy is the man of his dream, but he does save beomgyu from the coils of his own thoughts. all the poisonous realizations of being stuck forever as a cog in the machine for the society he lives in. the cold water in his face, knowing that he will never be extraordinary the way he strived to be as a kid.

as he looks up at the male, watching the way the stranger’s eyes lit up the second their gazes locked, suddenly everything doesn’t seem to matter anymore.

or maybe he really is just single and gay.

“are you okay?” the guy asks.

he scoffs at the question. most people don’t address a frustrated stranger on a random street, so there must be an ulterior motive. fairytale-like meetings do not happen in real life. and beomgyu will start punching himself in the face anytime soon if his brain doesn’t stop singing  _ once upon a dream _ the moment he gazes into the tall stranger’s eyes.

“not really,” he says truthfully. “are you here to offer me a life insurance service? i can’t afford one, though.”

the guy looks confounded for a split second, tilting his head to a side. “what is that?”

“you don’t know… what?”

then the guy smiles, and beomgyu forgets his train of thoughts. fucking once upon a dream and disney movies. 

“i’m here to offer you something,” of course. no handsome people would approach him if it’s not some kind of salesman being rushed by deadlines. “you need to close your eyes first, so i can show you.”

“that’s not how it works. are you going to hypnotize me and run away with my belongings? i have no money, by the way.”

beomgyu should probably think the worst out of this situation. except he can’t think properly when his fingers are freezing and he has this strangest urge to slide them into the pockets of the guy’s jackets, or dive right into his arms because his chest looks so warm. not like he’d know that. he is also not the type to fantasize sappy things about some strangers he met minutes prior. totally not. 

yet here he is, heart beating a tad bit faster from the way the other’s laugh fills the air around them, hugging him with so much comfort he might burst. he doesn’t even register that he has shut his eyes willingly until all he can hear is the shuffling of shoes moving towards him.

there is a deep voice muttering a word in a language he doesn’t recognize, and beomgyu opens his eyes.

except he is not in the park anymore.

(the castle was huge.

stars were gleaming in the ceiling, hanging upon them as they walked into the vast room filled with people wearing black cloaks and weird hats. beomgyu was one of them, fingers clutching the hem of his own robe and his teeth chewing his lower lip in concern. when his name was called, he walked towards the chair. exposed to at least a hundred pairs of expectant eyes.

“ _ slytherin _ !” 

cheers boomed from one of the long tables at the announcement coming from atop his head. as he made a little run towards the table, there was a hint of dread, which was quickly vanquished as he seated himself among the upperclassmen with green velvet underlining the inside of their robes.

this was where he belonged. )

“—gyu? hey, beomgyu, please tell me you’re okay!” 

a pair of hands are holding him from falling off the bench, shaking him gently and snapping him out of the small trance. beomgyu blinks a few times, eyes focusing on the very concerned face of the stranger. in that split moment of trance, he must have lost his consciousness. it's bizarre, how he could fall asleep just like that. 

“huh, i think i dozed off for a bit just now,” he mumbles, still puzzled by the images he had in his eyes. 

relief fills the guy’s face as he sighs, finally dropping his hands. he is looking at beomgyu expectantly now, as if expecting a reaction anytime soon. he is also getting closer and closer, to the point that beomgyu has to lean away to not feel intimidated by how the guy is staring too closely. 

“do you remember me?” he asks. 

“uh, yeah? you were from—“

before beomgyu can finish his sentence, he is suddenly engulfed into a hug. a pair of arms wrapped tightly around him, as if he might evaporate into the air if he’s not being held behind. it’s so warm, and the guy smells nice. he can probably melt into the hug, if only he’s not considering the fact that he’s being hugged by a stranger. 

“hey… uh—“

“i’m so happy it worked! everything is fine now. we can go home and you can get your job back at the ministry. they’re keeping that spot for you, you know? that’s just how good you are. you still want that cat? heck, we can get two.”

he is totally lost now, trying to process what the stranger is talking about, and why he is being hugged. he has no slightest idea. besides, this is the first time they even talk to each other, so there’s no way he is forgetting anything.  _ unless… _

unless the absence of his memories from high school days is not caused by the same accident that took his parents away from him. unless he was supposed to have a clue on what the latter is talking about; the deal about their home, ministry, and cats. 

unless this stranger is not a stranger.

maybe then it would explain why he feels this certain attraction towards the male ever since the first time he laid his eyes on him. it would give him a perfect excuse to excuse the way his lips twitch up into a smile upon hearing the stranger’s voice, or how his heart would beat faster in his presence. it’s almost like his heart remembers him, only his brain refuses to come up with anything. 

“excuse me, can you elaborate a little?” he squeaks out the question, staying still within the embrace. “i’m a little lost here. what home? which job?”

he can feel the arms around him stiffen. when he pulls away, beomgyu can’t see the beautiful shine of happiness that was present in the pair of doe eyes anymore, it’s replaced by pure dread and a heartbreak. he just wants to hug the guy’s head to his chest and tells him that everything would be okay.

but that’s not something he can do to a stranger.  _ right _ ?

“ah… you must be very confused now. i’m so sorry. it was nothing… ” he starts saying, eyes casted down now and not looking at beomgyu anymore. it’s filled with sorrow more than anything else. “i’ll just go.”

beomgyu can’t help but to flinch at the change of demeanour, wanting nothing more than to voice the questions that are looming all over his head. but the guy already looks troubled enough, and he can only bite down on his lip to stop himself. even as the male bows at him, side stepping him to leave. 

the whole thing is too odd to just be a  _ nothing _ . needing more answers, beomgyu swivels around on his feet, but he is not facing the other side of the park.

(he was flying. his gloved hands were tightly gripping on a wooden handle of whatever he is riding, and he was zooming so fast. deafening cheers welcoming his every movement. ahead of him, he could see someone’s back. the person was riding the same thing as his, a broomstick, but wearing a scarlet robe instead of the emerald one like the one he was clad in. 

his hand was extended now as he accelerated. chest tight with the anticipation and the competitive urge to get this done soon and come out as the winner of this quidditch game. he just needed to beat this asshole.

“yah, choi soobin!” he screamed.)

back in the corridor, he unconsciously has lifted his hand, making a move to reach out to the stranger who is briskly walking away from him. 

“choi soobin!” 

his loud voice is swallowed by the vastness of the park, and only now that he realizes that the stranger has drawn enough distance away from him. the name is a foreign one in his head, yet it rolls out too easily from his tongue, as if he has spent forever calling out the name over and over again.

when he reaches the corner of the street where the guy had turned, there is no trace of him anywhere, only an empty street with a flickering light. his breath foggy in the chilly autumn air.

he stands blankly there, dropping his hand as he feels exhaustion filling the hollow space in his chest. it’s as if another piece of him has been ripped away once again. a ghost of a name stuck on his tongue, just like all the questions that have always floated around him. 

**( ∞ )**

the twist that comes from  _ disapparating  _ is nothing compared to the coil in his guts and throat, choking him with guilt and despair so profound that he barely holds himself up right there. he stares at the front door of his house,  _ their _ house. 

just like the past few months, as soobin walks into the place, he is greeted by an air that is colder than the autumn wind beating down his coat outside. 

meeting beomgyu again after those months of separation feels like coming up from deep water and inhaling a fresh intake of breath. except all soobin got from that meeting is a pair of eyes that don’t recognize him and a reminder of his grave mistake. the spell he conjured in the middle of that park has failed him in returning beomgyu’s memories. he has failed to bring beomgyu back from the muggle world.

the memory charm is a powerful, yet vile thing. 

done properly, it can modify or eat away the memories from someone’s brain. what they thought they know will fully dissipate from their brains without any trace. there’s no known reverse spell for this, and that knowledge intensified the dread in soobin’s eyes as he watched the misty colour of the charm hits beomgyu, watched the way his eyes glaze over, and any trace of the beomgyu he had always known disappeared.

but a promise is a promise. soobin promised that he would bring beomgyu home that day he gave beomgyu away to the muggles. 

_ “i love you. until we meet again.” _

days turned into weeks since then, eventually months passed. the whole wizarding community lived in fear during the attempt of ruling by the dark lord, and then everyone was too devastated with their own loss in the aftermath, that no one cared about a heartbroken newbie healer who was trying to break a memory charm. 

a memory  _ curse _ , as he would call it.

with a wave of his wand, the fireplace crackled into life, filling the whole house with warmth. a fake sense of home. even as beomgyu hasn’t stepped into the place for so long, his presence was still stark in there. the decorations he picked, the tiny trinkets, a clear trace of him that hugs soobin in his lonesomeness.

even as he curls up in the bed too big for his own, the empty space screams next to him, reminding him of how alone he is.

the only consolation he has in this kind of night is some spells that he has learned. some useless, yet fascinating one. as he lies down on his back, he waves his wand gently to produce a shower of tiny little stars in the air. the glittery, tiny stars spiral down in the air before they dissipate into the thin air, but still brings a smile to his face at the reminder of his favourite day from three years ago. 

before the wizarding world was filled with a foreboding darkness and the dark lord returned, choi soobin and choi beomgyu were in love. and they had everything.

(the wedding was held on a spring day. 

sun filtered down past the white veils of the tents above the garden party, creating an illusion of a dream, along with the little butterflies conjured by the newly presented wizard kids that produced innocent magic out of happiness. 

“i knew that you guys were always the school’s sweethearts, but i didn’t know you’d get married this quickly,” kai had commented then, wiping a fake tear away from a corner of his eyes.

some people would say that they were rushing, as beomgyu just graduated a couple years prior and both of them were just setting their lives in their own respective career. soobin just finished his internship days in st. mungo as an intern healer and beomgyu was still chasing his dream as an auror. but it was a perfect time. 

they were in love, they had promised each other a forever ever since that night before soobin’s graduation, as they escaped their dormitories to spend the night in the astronomy tower.

it was perfect. they were perfect.

the priest pronounced them husbands, casting down the same golden glittery stars that spiralled down upon their head and momentarily concealed them from the people cheering around them. they were supposed to kiss then, a wedding tradition. but beomgyu was smiling too brightly, and soobin couldn’t stop staring even as he kissed the smile from his lips. 

“promise me,” beomgyu had whispered into the kiss. “promise me that wherever we are, our stars will always find each other’s. promise me a happily ever after, soobin-ah.”

beomgyu. his beomgyu was a dreamer.

his first dream came true when he got his hogwarts letter when he was eleven. he had been living his dream as an extraordinary wizard, everything he wouldn’t have achieved as a muggle. 

“i promise.”

it was just right that soobin became his next dream come true.)

but the stars were dissipating slowly from the air before him, reminding soobin of a possibility that their stars would never meet again this time around. that instead of a dream come true, soobin had turned beomgyu’s dreams into nightmares. 

it was possible that their stars had run out of gas, and now they are falling. down. down.  _ down. _

==

the next time soobin braves himself to show up in the muggle world again, it’s christmas’ eve. 

he is wearing one of the muggle clothes beomgyu had in their wardrobe, a black turtleneck this time, along with another coat that hugged him warmly. beomgyu’s office is still operating even on this day, but he didn’t walk out of the building even as he waited in the same park bench as the one they met at a couple months ago. 

instead, he finds the guy in a bakery a few blocks away from there. 

there is a line of people buying last minute christmas baked goods, and soobin can see the dark shadows of exhaustion under beomgyu’s eyes as he arrives at the front of the line. the eyes that grow wide the moment he lifts his gaze to take his order.

it’s almost like beomgyu recognizes him for a split second there. a cruel hope.

“hello! can i have your order?” he asks, voice as bright as the stars in his eyes.

soobin has to forcefully tear his gaze away to look at the menu written on the board behind the counter. there is a display of some beverages that he isn’t familiar with. it’s not like this is his first time visiting the muggle world. beomgyu took him for several trips, yet the only time he tried a muggle coffee always ended up in a bad note.

a deep voice of someone clearing their throat behind him has soobin jump a little, realizing that he has taken too much time at the front of the line. 

“uhh… do you have any non-caffeine options? like a caramel biscotti milk…” he trails off as he spots beomgyu staring at him blankly, probably lamenting over the fact that he just gained himself a troublesome customer. “nevermind. i’ll just have—“

“how about a surprise menu? we will pick a drink and a pastry for you, but i’ll make sure it’s a non-coffee one. promise!” 

“uhh, okay. how much do i pay for this?” soobin starts taking some paper money from his pocket. the currency he never got used to, which seems to be too much as beomgyu’s eyes widen the moment he lays a few bills on the table.

“no! i mean—you pay later, okay? please put these away before you lost them,” he rolls his eyes, gesturing towards an empty table in the café. “you can stay seated for now, sir. we will bring your order soon.”

soobin has a feeling that this was a scheme to get him off the line quickly, but he complies anyway. he seats himself at a table, throwing a look at the deserted tables around him. of course people would prefer to spend their christmas eve with their family at home, not sitting alone at a café like he does.

it’s just that the person who resembles anything close to home for him stands behind that counter, living his non magical life without any recollection of soobin’s existence.

eventually, the line dies down as the night grows darker, and soobin has finished half the warm cup of milk served to him by another staff from the café. it’s a warm milk with some sprinkles of gingerbread, filling him with warmth as he devours the cinnamon roll that’s served alongside the beverage. 

it’s as close to home as he could feel without actually being home. 

as the last customer in the line left the place, soobin finds a familiar face occupying the seat across of his. he almost drops the cup he is holding, beating his chest gently with a fist to not choke from the surprise.

“my name is beomgyu,” the other male says. “but you already know that.”

“ _ huh _ ?”

“how did you find me here? no one knows where i work ever since i quit my last job, and here you are again, showing up after months. after what you did!”

soobin’s eyes grow wide as the rising volume of beomgyu’s voice. he’s familiar with the way beomgyu’s voice gets louder whenever he is excited or emotional about something, but he never thought that he’d be in the receiving end anytime soon. 

as a stranger, nonetheless.

“what… what do you mean?” he stammers at that. the taste of gingerbread on his tongue grows bitter with the intensified anger in beomgyu’s eyes. the way they harden, looking straight into soobin’s eyes like he had caused him an inconvenience. 

“you did something to me that day. is it some kind of scamming trick by hypnotizing your victim? then why aren’t you taking anything?” he asks, and with each question, his voice grows quieter, weighed down with despair. “why are you giving me all these magical imaginaries? is it so fun for you to remind me of how empty my life is? how…”

soobin’s brain has stopped registering what beomgyu’s saying at the mention of magic. he blinks a few times, watching as beomgyu’s mouth moves as he talks, yet no words get into his head.

“do you remember?” he grasps beomgyu’s hand on top of the table. his grip tight around his wrist, causing the male to stop talking altogether, frowning at him. 

“you’re choi soobin, the weird salesman who i met back in october, you—“

“i never told you my name.”

now it’s beomgyu’s turn to sit there in silence, stunned with his lips parted in awe. “then how did… how did i…”

“the imaginaries you mentioned. the one about magic, tell me about them,” soobin urges him, both of them have forgotten that beomgyu was supposed to be angry and lashing out at the elder. 

“i forgot most of the details, since they are some kind of dreams. but it’s always in this castle. sometimes i’m flying so fast, or sitting in a classroom while the teachers do some magic show, floating items and turning animals into things, and then i’m supposed to follow the instructions. it’s like entering a magic land.” 

“did you…” soobin interrupts him, almost swallowing down his question at the last second until he braves himself to let it roll off his tongue. “did you ever see me in those dreams?” 

“only that first time in the park. so i know it began with you, soobin. what did you do to me?” 

he ignores the question, trying hard not to give in to the fear of beomgyu’s memories only coming back in pieces and removing soobin completely. trying not to break down right there at the possibility of an universe where he does not exist in beomgyu’s life. 

beomgyu looks so confounded. mixture of emotions swirling in his eyes, probably enough to keep him awake at night to beat himself up. that’s beomgyu. he always despises the unknown. 

soobin has to be the stronger one. a calm air that is safe to capture beomgyu whenever he trusts him enough to dive in.

“they’re not dreams, beomgyu,” soobin finally says, reaching out to let his fingers brush atop beomgyu’s one that is clenched on the table. the ring circling his finger is glaring at him, mocking him because there is no identical one around beomgyu’s finger.

before he could explain more, the staff who gave him the drink and cake called beomgyu’s name from behind the counter. it causes beomgyu to pull his hand away, fidgeting. 

“we need to close down, and you can’t be here,” he says, a silent announcement that soobin has overstayed his welcome. 

“ah, i’m sorry. i’ll just go.”

before he could take another step, he feels a tug on the sleeve of his coat, looking down to see beomgyu’s fingers clutching onto it. “i should be done in fifteen minutes, so can you wait for me? please? please don’t disappear again.”

how could he say no to beomgyu’s pleading eyes? 

**( ∞ )**

the immense relief that beomgyu feels the moment he spots the stranger in the park scares him. 

it’s been mostly terrifying for him the past few months. that day he met soobin for the first time was the turning point of his life, the last push he needed. after that, it was a series of diving into the unknown; resigning from his job, getting part time jobs here and there just to afford a living. 

that day, he got a vision that the life he had been living is not the correct one, yet now he feels more lost than ever. walking blindfolded down a road full of cars.

“you’re here,” he gasps out once he stops behind soobin. his quick exhales fogging the air before his mouth. “sorry for making you wait in the cold like this. god, you must be free—“

his words dies down on his lips when the taller one turns around. sure, he looks freezing. red hue on his cheeks from being out in the cold air for a prolonged time. but he is not cold, not when there is a ball of fire floating between them the moment he turns around. it’s not an illusion or something straight from his dream this time, it’s real and tangible, from the way beomgyu can feel the heat radiating into his skin as the fire stays glowing between them.

“what the hell?” he exclaims, eyes round as he steps back and trips over his feet. he lands on top of a pile of snow. the coldness snapping him back into his senses.

“you didn’t expect me to wait out here without turning into a giant ice cube, right?” soobin rolls his eyes before crouching down to get on an eye level with him. the fire follows his movement, settling right before beomgyu’s eyes again, lighting both of their faces in an orange glow. “besides, you know what this is. you’ve seen it in your dreams.”

running away should be his first instinct, yet beomgyu stays seated there, fingers balled into fists and eyes hypnotized by the glowing orb. 

“but… they’re dreams. there’s no way this is real.” his fingers reach out to hover close above the floating fire orb, close enough to feel the heat on his skin. his eyes search for soobin’s in wonder. “how did you do that?”

“you know the answer.”

he does have a hunch. he spent countless nights lying down on his bed after getting woken up abruptly from a vivid dream where he falls off a broomstick or being zapped by random coloured lights on the chest. there were also those nights he woke up with a hint of laughter on his tongue, and then desperately grasped for the details that slowly dripped away from his brain like a trickle of sand in an hourglass.

but the answer is always the same.

“magic,” he whispers under his breath. soobin confirms his answer with a smile. “but how? ,

“i can’t tell you how this whole thing works, but i can show you, if you let me.”

as he says that, the fire vanquishes into a thin air. beomgyu’s gaze is gathered by the black rod that’s making an appearance from under soobin’s coat. he should be more scared than anything now, knowing that there is a possibility of getting mugged in this empty park without any witnesses. he would be lucky if he makes it out alive. 

but soobin is still smiling even as he gets up on his feet again. his hand extended, waiting for beomgyu to take it. 

the air between them is laced with a promise, and beomgyu’s brain refuses to think again as he firms up his resolution. his eyes harden as he reaches out for soobin’s hand. 

the gentle smile is the last thing he sees before he’s being pulled up to his own feet, then everywhere else. his whole body is being tugged from every direction, twisted and thrown around so rapidly that his head is threatening to explode. there is a stifled scream building in his throat, but soobin never lets go throughout it all. their locked hands provide him the only sense of security in this blurred world.

if this is the day he dies, he dies trusting a stranger from his dream.


	2. home

seeing beomgyu back inside their house is a dream come true.

except the male is out cold, lying down in front of the crackling fireplace with a warm towel laid over his face. meanwhile, soobin is worrying his lower lip between his teeth as he waits for any sign of life.

in hindsight, he should’ve picked a better transportation method than side-along disapparation. it was a successful one, but beomgyu doubled over right as they arrived at the front step of the house. his face blue from nausea, and he didn’t even say anything until he passed out in soobin’s arms. 

disapparating for the first time is always hard on the body, but soobin assumed that beomgyu would’ve remembered how it felt. he  _ loved _ disapparating, always showing off to him ever since he passed the disapparation license test held by the school. on certain mornings, he would make a show of apparating straight from their garden and right on top of soobin who was still asleep on the bed, the scent of flowers lingered in his hair as he swooped a kiss from soobin’s sleepy lips. 

he must have fallen asleep at one point on the sofa because the moment he comes to, sunshine is filtering into the room through the curtains and beomgyu is awake already. his face perched right above soobin’s own. round eyes blinking curiously.

at the surprise of having someone else in the house that was mostly empty for months, he scrambles backwards and almost fell off the edge of the couch. his fingers tight around his wand, while beomgyu doubles over with laughter on the carpet.

“what was that?” he says, a hint of laughter still dripping from his voice. “if i had bad intentions, this house would be robbed already. you sleep like dead.”

with a grimace, soobin sits down and massages his forehead, eyes following beomgyu’s smaller frame as he makes it at home in the living room already. “you’re up early.”

“it’s noon.”

“still early.”

“well, some days i have to be up early for my morning shifts, which i’m already late to,” beomgyu says, but not looking like he minds about it too much. something else is bothering him, and soobin readies himself for it as he spots the younger’s frown the moment he seats himself on the couch. “i also dreamed about more things. things that  _ i _ did in this house. weird, huh? this is my first time being here, unless...”

as the drowsiness ebbs away from soobin’s system, his brain is more alert now, followed by the activated adrenaline that sends his heart into beating in disarray.  _ beomgyu remembers… he remembers being here… he remembers… _

“unless they are actual memories, and you actually lived here.”

beomgyu bites his lip, throwing a look at the interior of the room then. “you’re saying that all those dreams were actually my memories? including the one where i decorated this place, performing some magic that i don’t even know possible? you’re saying that i used to live  _ here _ ? that i used to have a… home?”

“yes, beomgyu, this is your home,” soobin says, trying hard not to let  _ hope _ consume him. it’s a vile thing to hope, to wish for something so dearly that it might break him into pieces if it’s not granted. 

“and you… are you my roommate? that’s why you came to pick me up? we must be so close.”

despite not keeping his hope up, the crash that hits him is still a painful one. it comes in the way beomgyu still looks at him like a stranger, knowing that whatever memories came into his dreams did not involve soobin in it. it’s a big  _ fuck you  _ to soobin’s face by the memory charm. 

“yes, we are roommates,” soobin confirms with a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes.

they agreed to discuss the matter over breakfast.

beomgyu has so many questions and soobin never had a plan on how to answer them. these are the knowledge that beomgyu has built up from more than half of his life living in the wizarding world, and there is no way soobin can answer them all in a sitting. 

at least the sight is adorable, the way beomgyu’s eyes follow the wave of his wand as he summons the ingredients for their breakfast and lets them cook themselves on a stovetop. the pair of eyes lit up when a plate full of toast and egg landed on top of the table before him.

“so, you’re saying that i’m also a wizard, right? does it mean that i can do this kind of thing too?” he asks in excitement, bouncing lightly on his seat.

soobin snorts. “it’s true that you’re a wizard, but just like humans, there are some spells we can do and not do,” he says, watching as beomgyu frowns in confusion before shrugging it off as he opts to focus on his breakfast. “you were never really good at household charms, but i’ve been living in a wizard home for all my life, so i’m more familiar with them.”

“what am i good at, then?” beomgyu asks curiously. he takes a small bite of the toast. always a small bite to try the food before he trusts the taste enough to gobble everything, another thing that soobin adores from watching the younger for years.

“you’re good at combat spells. disapparation—i mean, the travelling we did last night? you were good at that too.”

“so, teleportation.”

he remembers beomgyu mentioned it once in the past too, but muggle terms still confused him a whole lot even after passing the muggle studies class he took in his sixth year. “probably. you’re good at those.”

the breakfast time is filled with a lot of talking, reminding soobin of normal mornings where they would wake up and have breakfast together before going to work. they always had so much to talk about, and today, it’s no different. except their conversation is mainly beomgyu questioning about magic and soobin watching him in confusion when he connects some spell with some other muggle terms.

psychokinesis, telekinesis, telepathy. he might need to do some research about those.

“so, when can i do magic again? do i have that magic stick like yours?” 

soobin glances at his wand that’s laid on top of the table, then returning his gaze to beomgyu. “maybe not now. not when you haven’t retained all your memories about what we’ve learned in hogwarts.”

“will i ever have them back?” beomgyu asks, sounding petulant, but there’s an edge of insecurity that soobin can always spot on his voice. 

his hand is already reaching across the table, wanting to take beomgyu’s hand in his for a comforting squeeze. instead, he takes beomgyu’s plate to stack the empty plates together before sending them towards the sink.

“i’ll make sure of it.”

later that day, they have a tour of the house. 

not like it’s needed, seeing how beomgyu navigates the place so easily as if his body had its own recollections of living there for years. the only place that is left untouched is a tall door near the back of the house, which causes beomgyu’s jaw to drop the moment soobin welcomes him inside.

the door does not lead to another enclosed room, but a vast garden with various kind of plants and a sun that shines warmly upon the vicinity unlike the actual one outside the house that is hiding behind the snowy clouds.

“we enchanted this together, at first it was because i wanted to grow some herbs for medicines, but you ended up growing more pretty flowers here,” soobin explains. 

he didn’t notice that the other has stayed stunned a few steps into the garden that he almost bumps against his back. standing this closely together, he can feel beomgyu’s warmth radiating towards him, caught a whiff of the scent of his shampoo in beomgyu’s hair, knowing that he had used it this morning.

his fingers ache with the urge to reach out around the younger and pull him into his embrace the way he always did whenever beomgyu was within his reach. but this was not the beomgyu they both once knew. the distance felt so close, yet so far away.

“i did a good job, huh?” beomgyu whispers, snapped out of the trance he was momentarily trapped in.

“you did, careful to not touch the plants that look dangerous though, because most of times, they are actually dangerous,” he warns the moment beomgyu walks further into the place and brushes his fingers along a bush full of flowers. pulling away just in time as his fingers almost touched a sneaky vine of a baby venomous tentacula. 

the scream that he emits is comical enough to make soobin break into bouts of laughter, stepping away quickly afterwards to avoid a random slap his way.

apparently, the booming laughter that the garden hasn’t heard in months did not only attract the tickling sensation in soobin’s chest. another creature that holds beomgyu as closely to his heart is also drawn to the voice, and it’s known the moment something zoomed out from between the trees. the quick flaps of wings and the air that rushed beside them almost made beomgyu yell once again. 

until he spotted a certain parrot perched on a tree branch closest to them. 

“toto?” he gasps, reaching his hand out carefully towards the bird. 

at the call of his name by his best friend, toto wastes no time to hop off the branch to climb onto beomgyu’s arm. he inches closer along the length of his arm, until he’s perched on beomgyu’s shoulder. his tiny beak pecking the soft strands of beomgyu’s hair, then his earlobe with a more gentle approach. the small giggle that beomgyu breaks into brought a new kind of sunshine into the garden than the magical one perpetually shining above. 

“you remember him but not me, how cruel,” he sighs dramatically, earning him a look by both beomgyu and his parrot. “toto won’t even let me touch him while you’re gone. i’m the third person in this relationship.”

“you’re more like a third wheel since you’re not in this relationship with us.”

that stings a little despite him knowing that beomgyu has no clue about  _ their _ relationship. the cold metal of the ring burns around his ring finger, weighing down heavily. “right. nothing comes between you two, not even hogwarts.”

“hogwarts…” beomgyu’s eyes glaze over for an agonizing moment.

but soobin knows that whatever memories he is recalling, it has nothing to do with him. he had accepted it, especially after hearing that some of the retelling of vivid memories beomgyu got involving him in this house had particularly omitted his presence. 

it will be okay, even if beomgyu ends up remembering everything except him, as long as this smile stays on his lips.

“ _ idiot _ ,” the voice that belongs to neither of them snap their attention back to the present. their eyes locked at the parrot, which is still looking straight at soobin even when he’s perched on beomgyu’s shoulder. “ _ idiot, idiot, idiot.” _

“hey, he’s spitting facts!”

soobin rolls his eyes. maybe if he forgets about the whole memories debacle, he could succumb into the sense of normalcy. just the two of them and toto inside their eternally spring garden, with beomgyu’s laughter tinkling in the background and soobin who is watching him fondly through his feigned disdain.

==

(“it’s not an owl.”

beomgyu gasped at the voice that came from behind him. he even had woken up earlier this morning, knowing that the snow had all melted away and the first breath of spring had come upon the castle. that also meant nice weather for toto to fly. he had been doing this smoothly for the past year, and of course it had to be the obnoxious gryffindor who caught him red-handed.

“you saw it wrong,” beomgyu said, swivelling around to face the taller senior. he hated how he had guessed soobin’s identity from his voice alone.

“huh, i’m pretty sure…”

as soobin was almost doubting his own sight, toto just had to pick that moment to come back from his round of flying and landed on beomgyu’s shoulder. he winced at the way soobin’s eyebrows shot up in both surprise and victory, and then once more when the high pitched voice sounded from so close to his ear.

“ _ idiot _ !”

right. he had taught toto that word over the span of a few weeks last year, while showing soobin’s picture to him. after that one faithful day where the two were caught in a bicker mid quidditch match and ended up banned from both teams until further notice. he just didn’t know that toto would actually say that to the actual person. 

nor did he expect an actual meeting between the parrot and the owner of that picture he had (not) illegally obtained.

“what was that?” soobin narrowed his eyes. he also had the audacity to walk closer towards the slytherin, who quickly put a finger over toto’s beak, stroking it gently in hope he wouldn’t speak more.

“ _ idiot _ !”

“waah! look at the time, i have to get ready for class!” beomgyu finally decided that running away would be a safer choice. 

“yah, choi beomgyu!”)

==

at the end of this magical day, soobin transports them back to the muggle street where beomgyu lives. 

he takes it better this time, only swaying on his feet for a bit and not passing out immediately. “alright, fun is over, i have a morning shift tomorrow and i have this hangover-like headache from your zapping,” he grumbles still, rubbing his forehead with his knuckles.

“and i thought you liked magic.”

“i do like it.”

“you wanted to go back,” he reminds, watching as the light dimmed in beomgyu’s eyes, holding a solemn look that made soobin want to hug him again. “i thought you’d never want to go back here again, knowing what you could have on the other side of the world. knowing what you could be.”

his words are starting to be filled with accusations, that he had to stop himself before he inflicts more pain on the other. deep down, he knows that this is more for himself. for his selfish need to keep beomgyu with him and not in this muggle world he knows the male used to hate.

“i know. it’s just that i’ve been living with a hole in my brain all this time, and then you suddenly appeared with some puzzles pieces that fit just well. except they’re all a stranger’s memory, soobin. i don’t know who i was.”

at this revelation, he can only stare silently at the other. all the smiles and excitement beomgyu showed for his magic, they’re all laced with this kind of pain.

he should’ve known. beomgyu is always a stubborn one when it comes to showing his emotions, always hiding them in case someone would perceive him as a weakling. 

“i’m sorry, i shouldn’t have sprung so much information to you. i know it must have been so much.”

“too much,” beomgyu says, followed by a brief laughter that soothes the tension just a tad. “but i do like it, the possibility that i’ve lived a good life until now. i just need time to accept that they’re all my memories.”

“you can take all the time you need…” soobin trails off, pressing his lips together as he almost let a pet name slip from his lips. a habit that used to comfort his boyfriend. 

“you’re not going anywhere, right? you won’t disappear again like last time?”

“i will,” he answers, quickly adding when he saw beomgyu’s frown. “but i will come back. didn’t i promise to help you with your memories?”

beomgyu snorts. “you didn’t, actually.”

“oh?”

“but you can promise me now,” he holds out his hand, clad in a fluffy white mitten. it would be comical, seeing how he struggles to stick out his pinky finger only to realize that the mitten did not come with separate finger spaces. “well, whatever.”

soobin takes his hand before he drops it, curling his pinky finger over the space where his pinky finger would be under the mitten. “this would do.”

“okay, choi soobin, promise me that you will show me your world and help me find the pieces of my memories back.”

“i promise.”

the smile that he gets in return and the warmth seeping into his skin from the soft fabric of beomgyu’s mitten is so rewarding, filling his chest with warmth that beats the one caused by his best  _ pepperup potion. _

**( ∞ )**

the next time beomgyu goes for a ride to the wizarding world, he is not swept off from his feet and twisted around in the void. they are riding a train. not like he had anything against being swept off his feet.

“i don’t want you to feel sick during our date” was the only explanation he got from the wizard moments before they rode the train.

date, huh? it’s a ridiculous concept, knowing that he had never been on a date before. yet his first date ever had to be with this guy from another world he barely knows about. the fact that choi soobin has to be unfairly tall and handsome also makes him angry for some reasons.

but he decides to ignore it as he focuses on the excitement bubbling inside him throughout the train ride. he feels more at home riding this old-fashioned looking train than a car or a bus that he has spent most of his life riding. perhaps the excitement comes from a lingering memory of his teenager self who supposedly had rode the train to go back to school every year.

“i had a few more dreams over the span of the few days you abandoned me,” he starts speaking again at some point, got tired of the silence stretching between them and watching soobin dozes off while gazing out from the window.

soobin’s eyes fly open at this, finally focusing back at beomgyu who’s sitting across of him. “what kind of memories?”

it’s something worth mentioning that soobin always refers to his dreams as memories, reminding beomgyu that those magical things actually happened at some point of his life.

“remember those pictures in your house? there was this guy in a blue scarf.”

“choi yeonjun from ravenclaw. he is our close friend.”

“i remember spending a lot of time with him, following him around the castle and listening to him talk about his dream of being the minister of magic. there also some occasions where i borrowed his robe to sneak into his dormitory? was that allowed?”

soobin is silent for a bit too long, eyes staring deep into beomgyu’s. for some reasons he can’t explain, it makes beomgyu shift on his seat.

“it’s not, but you learned that from us.”

“oh, so you were in the picture too,” he acknowledges with a nod, but not letting that random fact distract him before he’s already turning back to the topic of the handsome senior from ravenclaw. “anyway! i think i had a crush on him.”

soobin wheezes at that, trying to hide it by clamping a hand over his mouth as he throws his gaze back out of the window. masking his expression with a few feigned coughs.

“what? did i say something wrong? are you two dating or something? i’m sorry—“

a loud sigh interrupts his rambling, and soobin finally closes himself off completely by shutting his eyes. that leaves beomgyu frowning on his seat, sinking deeper into it and glaring dagger at the elder with his arms across his chest.

if only he didn’t need the guy so much to navigate around this strange wizarding world of his, he wouldn’t settle for this disrespect.

if beomgyu hadn’t believed the whole concept about a separate community full of wizards, he would have believed it as soon as he steps out of the train station. 

the village is a small yet odd one. wherever he looks, these people can’t be the ones who came from any street in the city he used to live in. instead of jeans or beige slacks, with padded coats over their frame, they are wearing frilly dress shirts and robes. it’s akin to entering a movie scene set in the victorian era.

“why didn’t you tell me that there’s a dress code?” he hisses, inching closer to hide himself behind soobin when a witch wearing a long burgundy cloak passed by him. 

the elder looks puzzled at first before he snorts. the first genuine smile after they get off the train tugged his lips. he tugs beomgyu to walk next to him again, but this time pressed close to his side.

“we’ve visited this place countless times wearing these muggle clothing, though. no one is going to jump you, don’t worry.”

that reassuring statement is soon proven to be false once they enter a place called  _ the three broomsticks _ . it looks like a pub, filled with several people gathering at the tables. but it’s not like beomgyu got a chance to properly take in what kind of place it is when a flurry of blonde zooms towards him. 

a solid human body crashes onto him, almost toppling them over by the sheer surprise and force. “

beomgyu hyung! oh my god, you’re back? i’ve missed you so much. did soobin tell you about the one time kai came to visit your place and almost got run over by a car? you’d think getting an outstanding mark for muggle studies would help him navigate the muggle roads but nooo.”

the guy looks happy, and for some reasons beomgyu  _ wants _ him to stay looking this happy, that he can’t bring himself to ask for his name. the firm hug around him brings a sense of comfort. a familiarity from a long time ago.

“taehyun,” soobin says gently.

whatever kind of magic between their friendship, taehyun seems to get the situation just from reading soobin’s face alone. the hold around beomgyu is loosening, and the toothy smile fades away from taehyun’s lips, replaced by a frown as he switches his gaze between the two.

“but he’s here… there’s no way,” he trails off, eyes widening just as soobin nods at him. “you did  _ not! _ ”

“i’ll explain later.”

taehyun looks at beomgyu again, the warmth that was present in the air around him earlier has frozen as the look in the male’s eyes is replaced into one he’d give a stranger. “let me get your drinks then. take your seats.”

while the blonde scurries off to the area behind the bar, beomgyu follows him with his eyes, until he’s tugged to a vacant table. only now that he directs his dislike at the wizard. “why later? why can’t you just have the discussion when i’m around?” he snaps.

“it’s not anything you haven’t known already.”

“then why can’t you just say it?”

“taehyun’s busy. beside it’s not like you have any recollection about him, why do you care?”

it’s nothing but the truth, yet it still stings. the thing that beomgyu hates the most is to be left in the dark. as if it’s not enough that he’s been living with a hole in his brain for a year, he’s only discovering more things to wonder about ever since he found out that magic does exist.

“i can feel it, though. he’s someone precious to me, right? just like how i found out that i had a crush on the yeonjun guy i never even met.”

at the mention of the name, soobin’s gaze snaps back towards him. there’s a sharp look in the pair of eyes when they regard him again. “how are you so sure though? you’ve been seeing me and you still think i’m a stranger.”

“well maybe you weren’t that important to me?”

as soon as the words left his lips, his heart clenches up with guilt, and it only intensifies as he spies something broke in soobin’s eyes. he has gone overboard. there’s no way soobin can be a trivial figure for him when he went all the way to pick him up and try to restore his memories. they also lived together, so they must be very close. 

but it’s not his fault, that every time he wills himself to remember about soobin, he ends up with an indescribable ache all over. to the point that he has given up on trying.

no one dares to speak afterwards. the silence stretches between them, painfully long and palpable. it’s only broken when taehyun makes his way towards them, placing two big glasses of golden foamy drinks on the table. 

“taehyun-ah, can you stay here for a bit? i need to go out,” soobin says, not giving the blonde a chance to answer as he is already storming out of the place.

shadow of guilt stirs inside beomgyu’s chest, but he brushes it off as a fear of getting left behind since he wouldn’t know how to get home without the other male. thankfully, he has another thing to worry about, namely kang taehyun who seems conflicted on how to behave around him.

“he will come back,” he says at last, occupying soobin’s seat. a smile is back to his lips when beomgyu looks at him again.“he always did, when you guys fought.”

“he is really someone i’d fight, huh.”

taehyun snorts. “well, lots of things happened. this must be so overwhelming for you, suddenly launched into a world you had forgotten.”

“yeah, sometimes i still think that i’m just having a very wonderful dream, and then i will wake up being an ordinary human again.”

“you’re anything but ordinary,” taehyun says simply. it looks like he is generous with his compliments even as he has closed himself off a little. “try the drink. it’d be like the first time again for you.”

“beer?” beomgyu lifts the glass, watching the tiny bubbles inside the liquid. 

“butterbeer, but don’t worry, it’s non-alcoholic. we used to drink it a lot during our short trip from hogwarts.”

more reminder of things he can’t recall. beomgyu decides to just focus on the beverage, lifting it to his mouth until the cold glass touches his lips, then the liquid trickles into his mouth. it brings an explosion of taste in his mouth. the sweetness and warmth sit on his tongue and spread across his system like a mouthful of stardust.

“holy shit,” he whispers.

“holy shit, indeed,” taehyun smiles smugly.

afterwards, taehyun seems to warm up some more to him that he does all the talk, telling him about  _ the three broomsticks _ where he has been working part time ever since he graduated from hogwarts. it might have to do with the fact that beomgyu hadn’t let go of his butterbeer, occasionally taking tiny sips of it while watching taehyun talks.

it’s only later that he finally asks the question that has been bothering him. one that punctuates all the other questions arising in his head from getting his memories back. the big question mark. 

“what happened last year, actually? the thing that made me lose my memories. i feel like there’s something bigger happening, but soobin hasn’t got to this part yet.”

the smile glooms out a little on taehyun’s face. “you know, the way you muggles had wars on your side, last year we also had one of our own. this evil wizard wanted to rule the world and he killed a lot of muggleborns. you… then i received a letter from soobin about how you got attacked, a week before the war broke in full blown. soobin hyung figured that having you in the muggle world would protect you.”

the guilt comes back now that the butterbeer tastes bitter on his tongue. soobin was also the one who sent him to safety, yet beomgyu had treated him like shit. never warmed up to him once ever since they met.

“was it bad?” he whispers.

“very bad. i was devastated about your memories, but now that i think about it again, it might be good for you. they were so cruel to the muggleborns and the people with relation to them, hyung. thinking that muggleborns steal magic from actual wizards in order to be one.”

the arrival of more customers is taehyun’s cue to leave him alone, not before reassuring him that soobin should be back anytime soon. beomgyu doesn’t hate being left alone, he just hates the quiet and the chances of awful thoughts engulfing his brain. especially now, after the mention of a war he was ‘lucky’ to not be a part of.

so he is a muggleborn, and people around him might be at risk of danger from these evil wizards just because of their mere association with him.

his mind instantly flies to his parents who passed away in a car accident a little over a year ago, only to mentally slaps himself. it was a mere accident. it happens. 

“you’re still here,” the voice snaps him back into reality. his eyes focusing back onto soobin who’s already back to sitting across of him and the two glasses of butterbeer on the table. 

“not like i can go anywhere.”

“sorry for leaving like that. for you,” he drops a few candies that scatter over the table between them. at the suspicious gaze he gives the other, soobin scoffs. “of course you’d be wary of your own pranks method. these are from honeydukes, so they’re safe. promise.”

with a small grin, beomgyu reaches for one with a brown wrapper and pops the toffee candy into his mouth. the sweetness that fills his mouth instantly makes him forget sulking at the other and the fact that he used to hand out candies to other students during his days in hogwarts only for those people to breathe fire or speak in animal voices for twenty minutes. those were fun days. 

as the ticking hour goes past noon and their drinks reach the bottom of the tall glasses, soobin decides that it’s time to explore other places.

beomgyu quickly downs the rest of his butterbeer, each sip of the drink brought a refreshing drop into his body up until the last one. “where to?” he asks, tilting his head to a side when he notices soobin staring at him quietly.

“i want to just leave it be, but i don’t want to be seen walking around with you when you look like this.”

the statement comes unprovoked, mildly insulting without any context. 

just as he parts his lips to yell at the elder, the hand reaching out for his face mutes his words. he flinches at the gentle touch of soobin’s thumb across his lips, watching as soobin’s eyes focused on his lips, and they tingle under both the touch and the weight of his gaze. 

instantly, a flash of memories crossed his eyes, blanking him out of the current moment just to drag him into a past occurrence where he was sitting right on this very same seat. he could feel the taste of butterbeer linger on his tongue back then too, and the familiar sticky foam on his lips. 

only that time, it was not soobin’s thumb that saved him from the possible humiliating moment he would face if he had gone out looking this way. it was a soft voice of  _ you have something on your lips _ , followed by a kiss pressed to his mouth by a pair of plush lips. 

his face burns, though he is not entirely sure whether it is caused by the memory or the attention soobin had on him. the only thing he knows is to blame the memories, for he is now staring at soobin’s lips, wondering if it had been this guy back then too.

“let’s go,” soobin is already standing up while he went through a silent phase of mentally yelling into the void. the elder is saying goodbye to a busy taehyun, before reaching out towards him.

looks like he did it out of habit, because he looks surprised when he realizes. beomgyu takes his hand anyway, linking their fingers together. he doesn’t mind making it his own habit too. 

“where are we going?” he asks.

soobin pries his gaze away from looking at their locked hands, and then he smiles so brightly it might start melting the pile of snow they are stepping onto. thankfully, his answer distracts beomgyu enough to lead his attention away from both the thought of his lips and his smile.

“we’re going to hogwarts.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy fanlive day <3


	3. scarlet and emerald

the castle holds a lot of memories. 

all seven years of soobin’s stay at the school were mostly painted in happy colours, with some darker ones mixed in from the exam stress. the event that took hold just the year prior has painted murky grey all over the memories, almost making him forget that these corridors and lawns are a safe place for young wizards with innocent eyes and excitement for the world. 

there is nothing more heartbreaking than having your safe place decorated with battle remains. the corridors where he used to laugh with his friends are now holding a ghost of scattered bodies of fallen wizards from the hogwarts battle. 

soobin was not a big part of the battle itself since he was nothing more than a healer, and his task was mostly in the aftermath. yet it was still traumatizing, walking down these halls and praying that he wouldn’t recognize the face of his friends or underclassmen in the endless row of lifeless bodies.

“are you okay?” beomgyu’s voice pulls him out of the depth of his dark memories.

right. soobin is not here for himself. it’s for beomgyu, in hope that being in a place he used to call his  _ home _ would trigger more memories to surface. 

sneaking out of the castle to hogsmeade was a thing when he was a student, but sneaking  _ in _ is a different story. there shouldn’t be a lot of students in the castle right now since it’s winter holiday and most of the students opt to ride the train home. it’s a little baffling that the secret passages into the castle are still accessible from the outside. but he doesn’t blame them for thinking that it’s safe already now that they have gotten rid of the evil entity. 

“you know that we’re not supposed to be here right? lay low a little, will you?” 

soobin has been watching the smaller male ventures along the corridors on his own accord, not relented by the disapproving look from the paintings they crossed. he’s barely in time to catch beomgyu’s hand as he’s about to climb a staircase.

“we’re already breaking the law anyway so might as—ah!” he breaks into a yelp when the staircase moves beneath his feet, only to shut up when a hand half as big as his face clamps over his mouth. “sorry,” he mumbles.

they move silently along the scrutinizing gazes of the paintings, so the next destination is the laundry where he stole a pair of uniform robes that is big enough for them. wearing the robe with emerald lining on the inside seems to bring beomgyu into his zone. 

watching him like this, it’s as if beomgyu has never lost his memories. soobin can lull himself into believing it.

for one day, he can probably live without the guilt.

==

(the first turning point of their relationship happened on an autumn day. 

it was cold, and having to be in the dungeon in such cold day pissed soobin off enough to heat himself up from the inside. he had no choice for the potion classroom was in the dungeon, and he had a few questions to ask his gryffindor-hating potions professor while his friends were enjoying themselves in their hogsmeade trip. 

the o.w.l test was closing in, and he couldn’t afford slacking if he wanted to be a healer.

but that train of thoughts was interrupted the moment he spotted a familiar slytherin passed across him. this was choi beomgyu, the guy from a year below who always picked a fight with soobin. so it was just natural for him to be wary of his suspicious movements and follow his steps.

it was not like he cared about the blonde. or at least that was what he told himself back then. 

as soon as he opens the small storage room door, he was greeted by the sight of beomgyu crouching on the floor, surrounded by the variety of mops and broken brooms. he looked so out of place being in this kind of place when he usually looked all high and mighty among his pureblood slytherin friends 

but that was not the problem. soobin couldn't care less about choi beomgyu looking pathetic in his free time. the problem was in the photo that flew out of the male’s hand, floating in the air between them in a silent eternity, which was interrupted when the paper landed on the floor by soobin’s shoes.

it was a photo of beomgyu with a couple, presumably his parents. nothing was wrong with being homesick and looking at a picture of your family.

except the picture did not move.

it took him one second to realize that, and another second to register the presence of a wand pointed at him. as the wand shook with a panicked “ _ stupefy _ !” spewed from beomgyu’s mouth, followed by a jet of red light that hit him right in the face. )

==

their next destination is the dungeon where the slytherin common room is. the place where he spent most of his time when he was not in class.

a familiar cold air closes around them the closer they get to the entrance of the common room, and soon they are facing an icy stone wall, where beomgyu lays his hand on. a ghost of smile tugging his lips.

“if only the password stayed the same forever. i think being inside would help more,” he says, and waits a few seconds before turning around to face the elder with a pair of hopeful eyes. even doing so far as batting his eyelashes. he seems to have a misconception that soobin is the way out of his every dead ends about his wizarding world inquiries.

“do i look like a student? or a slytherin?” he twists his face in feigned disgust, flapping his robe to display his scarlet inside of the robe to the other.

the puppy eyes disappear from beomgyu’s face quickly, replaced by an irritated look in return for soobin’s smug one. 

“whatever, stupid lion heads.”

that’s nostalgic. the nickname comes with a consolation that beomgyu at least remembers that nickname. even this cold dungeon comes with its own set of memories to recover for soobin. the number of times he caught a glimpse of the blonde slytherin hurriedly walking down the corridor in search for a place to hide. and then the more frequent moments of after-hour rendezvous after they started dating

no matter how much soobin hates the coldness, he doesn’t hate the warmth he associates this part of the castle with.

==

(their next meeting after the incident was another dungeon visit a few days after soobin woke up in the hospital wing after being stunned. he walked out of the potion class right into the slytherin who stared at his own shoes as if they were the most interesting thing in the world.

“i’m sorry,” beomgyu said softly, almost inaudible if it was not for the graveyard quiet state of the corridor at that time of the day. “i didn’t mean to stun you like that, it was out of surprise.”

“yeah, wait until you learn the killing curse and start killing people here and there from surprise.”

soobin felt petty for that comeback, but he remembered the throbbing in his head when he woke up that morning and the heat in his chest came back. he ignored the way beomgyu’s jaw tensed firmly, passing him to resume his path.

“i said i’m sorry!” beomgyu followed him. his footsteps coming to catch up with his own wide steps. they almost bumped when the younger blocked his way, staring up at soobin with a sharp gaze that rendered him immobile. “there was a reason i hid there just to look at a single picture.”

“so it’s my fault, now? what’s wrong with taking a muggle picture?”

“choi soobin!” beomgyu hissed, suddenly growing alert as he launched himself forward and fisted his fingers around a handful of soobin’s uniform shirt. “shut the fuck up.”

“what? it shouldn’t be a problem unless…” the gear in soobin’s head just started clicking into place seeing the absolute fear in beomgyu’s eyes. the second that italicized  _ oh  _ moment hit him, beomgyu’s face morphed into a despaired one.

“you’re going to tell everyone.”

“no, what good will it do for me?”

“you hate me, this is the only way you can drag me down,” the way beomgyu looked so serious saying this almost made soobin burst into laughter. it just dawned on him a second later that he actually meant it. that this was a secret that kept him awake at night. 

unlike in his house where soobin had a lot of muggleborn friends, slytherins were the most unwelcoming when it came to them. even half-blood students were still looked down upon for being a family of a blood traitor, so he understood why beomgyu would be haunted by his blood status.

“nope, i don’t see why i should meddle when your life is already sad enough, having to pretend every day and all.”

there was a flash of hurt in the pair of solemn eyes, just before it turned into contempt. soobin found out soon that it was because his slytherin friends approached them, purposely nudging his shoulder on their way to get their perfect, pure-blood slytherin choi beomgyu.)

==

once beomgyu gives up on entering the slytherin common room, they climb up the castle again, this time all the way up to the astronomy tower. beomgyu starts complaining halfway through, which results in him losing his breath quicker, slumping onto the corner of the office when they finally find their ways into one.

“you’re so wrong for that—“he starts to complain again once he has enough oxygen in his lungs, only for his words to dissolve on his tongue the moment he spots soobin in the middle of the room. 

he has a wand in his hand, which conjures a silver mist that slowly turns into a corporeal form of a fox. the silver shadow of an animal makes a run around the castor, settling down only as soobin speaks gently to it before it disappears out of the room. 

throughout the whole thing, beomgyu can only watch with his mouth opens. soobin snorts at the sight when he has his attention back at the younger. “don’t look so surprised. you can summon one too, you know? probably even better than me.”

“if only. i remember the concept, though. why is your patronus so small for you?”

“hey, my fox is pretty cool. although it used to be a horse.”

at the remembrance of his old patronus, soobin could picture the shape of the silver horse running around him the first time he conjured a corporeal patronus. it was majestic, but the implication behind the appearance of the fox in result for his happy thoughts is more beautiful in a more agonizing way.

“how did it change, though? i thought it was based on your personality and all.”

“there is a certain condition where your patronus changes into someone else’s. it signifies an eternal love, or when that person becomes something that you need the most in the world.”

“how come not all couples have the same patronus then?”

“not sure, that’s curious, huh?” soobin smiles bitterly, lifting his hand to run his fingers through his own hair. the silver wedding band glistens under the light of the room. “probably because not every couple experiences loss. you don’t know how much you need someone until they are taken away from you.”

the conversation fills the office with a gloomy air. beomgyu is nibbling on his lower lip, something he does whenever he is anxious or uncomfortable. “that must be someone very precious,” he finally says just to break the tension floating in the air.

soobin watches as the younger gets up from the floor, venturing the room towards the window that blows winter air into the room. his hair is dark now, and it’s longer than when he used to dye it blond during school days. the strands blown by the cold air hitting his face. he silently wonders if beomgyu thought he lost the love of his life during the war.

technically he did lose beomgyu back then.

the way you do every time you wake up every morning knowing that the person you are in love with does not know you exist. all the memories you made together. the building up to the love you share, all gone just because of a single spell.

the way you do when you have that person so close within your reach. he knows who he is, and everyone who used to surround you two. except, you. he doesn’t know your longing for him, which builds up with every second that passes where you are not allowed to profess his love.

“hey, the view is really great from here!” beomgyu announces, drawing soobin in with the pure happiness dripping from his voice. like a moth to a flame.

before he knows it, soobin has stood behind the younger, peering over his shoulder to the view they can see from so high in the tower. the rest of the castle is spread below them, the quidditch field, the forbidden forest, the frozen lake, and what lies after that part in shadowy figure. they are buried under a white blanket of snow.

but soobin is not really paying attention to them, only focusing on the adoring gasp escaping beomgyu’s lips. and the way his warmth radiates towards him from his back. 

it’s easy for the longing to take over him when he has wanted this for so long. 

his hands move on their own accord when they lift up to wrap around beomgyu’s waist, drawing him into a warm embrace. he can register the short moment of tension before beomgyu melts against him, probably feeling the way soobin’s heart is beating so fast, so hard, against beomgyu’s back.

the sensation of inhaling a lungful of oxygen after suffocating for way too long.

“you’re hugging me,” beomgyu says, laying his hand on top of soobin’s own. his thumb tracing along the silver wedding ring perched around soobin’s finger. a habit that his body has memorized, carried out without knowing why. 

“it’s cold, right? i’m only providing some warmth so you won’t get sick.”

the younger snorts, totally not buying it. “you could’ve fetched your fire with your magic again.”

“what fun would that be?”

“what fun is this?” beomgyu wriggles in his hold, but not enough to break free. instead, he is turning around to face the elder, unaware of the way soobin’s heart stops for a beat when the pair of eyes look up into his own. “what is this to you, soobin-ah?”

he is ready to risk it all there, to tell beomgyu that this stranger who has been dragging him around is actually his husband. the person he has promised his forever. 

telling him also means tying beomgyu up to a stranger that he has no memories about. that’s the reason he couldn’t tell beomgyu about their relationship. he doesn’t want beomgyu to feel like he has married a stranger.

but now that beomgyu is looking at him the way he used to, as if he remembers being in love with soobin, it takes everything for him not to pull him into a kiss.

perhaps he would have done it anyway, if only it’s not for the interruption that almost makes his heart fall to his feet.

“oh. my. god.”

the familiar voice causes soobin to pull away reluctantly, throwing a grin at the owner of the office who has just walked in with a tank of grindylow hugged in one arm. thank god for huening kai and his perfect timing. 

“i gave you the password to my office not to be used for this kind of purpose, hyung,” kai sighs, placing his tank down on the table before he approaches the pair. a big smile on his face despite his nagging. 

“sorry, thank you for having us, by the way. you’re the best professor ever!”

kai only rolls his eyes, knowing the sugarcoated words are only thrown at him as an apology. his face changes again the moment he looks at beomgyu, who is blinking curiously at the sight of yet another new face.

“hi, beomgyu hyung. an introduction seems fitting for our second first meeting,” kai says cheerfully, extending his hand. “i’m huening kai, and we are in a relationship.”

**( ∞ )**

beomgyu might have believed it for a moment there. 

that there is this handsome kid named huening kai who is working as a professor in training in hogwarts. he looks cute despite holding a scary looking creature in his hand earlier. after all, someone like beomgyu can’t be single, right? at least that’s what he thinks, until soobin comes in between them and threatens to throw his grindylow out of the window. 

“aah, i’m sorry beomgyu hyung, but i don’t mind if you actually want to make me your boyfriend now— _ ow _ !”kai is interrupted by another pinch from the eldest in the room, who eventually opts to lock him in a tight hug that squeeze all the teasing words away from his mouth. 

beomgyu would have considered it, if only he hasn’t started recalling a few snippets of his friendship with kai. a ravenclaw, one year below him, always gets teased by other students because of his fascination towards magical creatures, especially uncommon ones. beomgyu defended him like a little brother, under the pretense of standing up for fellow full blood wizard.

it is a curious thing, how he recalls emotions upon meeting taehyun and memories about huening kai right away, but he has spent so much time with soobin yet his memories stay locked in place.

after this meeting, it’s safe to say that beomgyu will evaluate his choice of words when he says he loves animals. not long after their second first meeting, they go down to the outskirts of the forbidden forest to meet some creatures that kai has dubbed as his ‘sweethearts’. 

these creatures end up being skeleton-like, winged horse creatures that stand a head taller than them. if he was intimidated by the fact that both kai and soobin are taller than he is, now it’s an intimidation in a whole new different level. 

“meet the thestrals! this one is louie and the other is jack. i don’t know their actual names though, but they seem ok being called that. anyway, meet the babies,”kai announces happily, holding his hands towards a patch in the forest where there are grass and living plants instead of snowy land. probably enchanted just for these creatures to step on. 

“i don’t know if i should be happy over the fact that i can see them now,” soobin deadpans, staring at the bat-like wings that are spread proudly in the air.

beomgyu gives him a confused look, only for kai to chime in to rescue him from the unknown. 

“the only people who can see thestrals are the ones who have witnessed death,” he explains, looking happy to educate about these creatures he found fascinating. he is a natural born-teacher. “i guess almost everyone can see them now because of what happened last year.”

“but i wasn’t here last year…” beomgyu mumbles. a little too early to say that.

because as he blinks his eyes, a flash of memories cross his brain, way too fast for his mortal brain to comprehend that he stumbles back in fear. there is the feeling of rushing, the fear of not catching up to something quickly enough. 

as the beomgyu in his memory arrived at the place, it’s filled with familiar screams, and before he knows it, green lights filled his sight. almost blinding him. 

when he opens his eyes again, he is facing soobin’s concerned face. his arm securely wrapped around his lower back to support his balance as he sways a little on his legs. “are you okay? you almost fell over,” he asks, reaching out with his other hand to feel beomgyu’s forehead for a fever.

“no… i just saw a memory. green lights,” he says, punctuating it with a gasp at the sharp pain that fills his chest. his heart is still beating so fast in his chest despite not knowing the context of the memory yet.

“it’s probably the death that you witnessed. green light comes with the killing curse,” kai says gloomily.

soobin is silent for a bit, and it’s the comforting silence that beomgyu needs to let his heart beat at its normal pace again. now that he is not filled by dread anymore, he stares at the creatures again. “what are we doing here anyway? triggering my near death experience?”

“no!” the ravenclaw exclaims, arms crossed across his chest. “they are more than just their connection to death.”

he watches as the younger walks over towards the one named louie, the bigger one. then it clicks in his head. a little too late seeing the excited grin on kai’s face when he turns around.

“no, we are not doing that.”

“nope, we are not. but you and soobin hyung will do it!”

and that’s how beomgyu finds himself perched on top of the skeletal body of the winged horse-bat-reptile creature. his arms are hugging around its neck, praying hard that the thestral won’t eat his hand, while the creature is lifting them up on its back. 

“choi soobin, i swear to god if i die today…” he says through his gritted teeth. eyes still tightly shut as he feels them floating. 

“i’m holding you.”

he does feel secure with soobin’s body engulfing his frame, can feel his breath on his nape which would make him shudder if he was not already shivering from the cold. the flapping of wings next to him still comes with an intimidation, reminding him that there’s a chance of him losing his balance out of the blue and plummeting into his death.

“beomgyu,” soobin speaks, followed by a cheer as they suddenly zooms forward in a faster pace. “open your eyes!”

“no, what the hell!”

“open your eyes.  _ now _ !”

it’s something akin to a leap of faith when beomgyu actually lets his eyes snap open with the command. but it’s rewarding. they are a few feet up in the air and from this height, he can see the whole castle and the surrounding nature. it looks even prettier than when he got all excited about it back in the tower. 

this also reminds him of the same position they are in. the embrace around him. the warmth radiating throughout his system. the familiar feeling of being protected and loved. 

the unanswered question.

what is soobin to him?

“choi soobin!” he’s meant to just call his name, but his voice erupts into a scream instead. joyous tone drips from his voice. instead of the question that he is meant to ask, there is only one thing that is repeated over and over again in his head. 

only once they landed back on the ground and beomgyu’s feet touch a solid surface again that he turns around to face the elder. the words floating in his brain travel down to his mouth now, but altered the moment they are about to slip off his tongue.

“i love your world,” he says, eyes gleaming with leftover excitement as he stares up at the taller male. 

soobin shakes his head, giving his elbow a squeeze as he once again caught him stumbling. soobin is now smiling, while holding him securely, and beomgyu knows that the erratic beating of his heart is not caused by the adrenaline anymore. 

“no. it’s our world.”

that night, as beomgyu is back in his cold and lonely bed in his muggle house, he ponders about the feeling he felt earlier as they flew. it was something raw. one that he felt in ripples for the past few days ever since he acknowledged that soobin’s existence is a real one instead of just a figment of his imagination. 

the feeling that has been bothering him. the ache. he was allowed to feel it all as they soared through the sky.

it’s not  _ i love your world _ that he wanted to say. he wanted to shout  _ i love you _ into the air. wanted to announce to the universe about his newly discovered feelings. 

but he has no recollection of his past with soobin, and the elder has never mentioned anything special going on between them despite living together. there are so many possibilities. and the one that seems the most convincing is that he has been harbouring a one-sided love for his roommate.

it seems plausible, especially since soobin just lost his possible significant other in the battle the year before. 

even now that he has discovered another world he could be a part of, he is still his pathetic self who is meant to be alone. perhaps losing his memories came with the blissful ignorance of not experiencing this heartbreak. perhaps this was the ache he has been feeling every time he tries to recall his past with soobin. perhaps it’s the cursed spell’s own way of protecting his heart.

he just hopes that he has his magic back quickly in hope that there is some kind of healing spell to cure a heartbreak. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's so peaceful here, almost like there's no conflicts...   
> i appreciate anyone who's still reading this without dropping the whole thing from the lack of drama <3

**Author's Note:**

> tell me what you think <3 [twt](https://twitter.com/soogyulvr)/[cc](https://curiouscat.me/soogyuphobic)


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